Introducing the Freaking Out About France Series
I’m absolutely terrified for my trip to France.
I’m very excited, but that is eclipsed by the insurmountable terror that washes over me whenever I so much as think about packing. Let alone go to the airport and get on a plane to travel halfway across the world. And that’s just the getting there. What business do I, a person who is scared of leaving her apartment, have going to a foreign country?
Of course, this is my Anxiety Brain talking. My Rational Brain knows that it’s totally normal to be nervous about traveling, and even people without anxiety get nervous when they are traveling. But no matter how rational I am, the anxiety is hard to resist. It just feels so strong.
So I’m going to write about it and share it with you. Because writing about it helps. And because I know I’m far from the only person experiencing these things – but nobody talks about it.
Why does nobody talk about it? I think because we’re afraid of being called crazy. Or because we are embarrassed. We think we are the only one. But that’s not true.
I have generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, and panic disorder (among others). They are debilitating. They stop me from doing things I want to do.
I have studied French since I was 12 years old, but I’ve never been to France. I’ve never left the USA. My mental illness prevented me from studying abroad in college like I really wanted to do. But I try not to be too hard on myself, because it’s not my fault. I didn’t choose my brain chemistry. I just do the best I can with the circumstances I was given.
I deserve to have this dream come true regardless of mental illness.
I can be terrified and do something anyway.
I’m going to blog about my trip and hopefully share all sorts of awesome pictures and experiences. But I don’t want to omit the scary part. I’m sure I’m going to have anxiety and panic attacks, and that doesn’t make it less beautiful. It makes it more impressive that I pushed through, and I know that I will.
I don’t have to hide the anxious part of myself to be worthwhile.
So stick around if you want to learn about severe anxiety and France. I can’t wait 🙂