I don’t exactly have a fear of flying. I think everyone gets a little nervous about being on an airplane, and I don’t have a phobia of it. But I do have a fear of airports. It’s kind of funny that I’m scared of airports but not necessarily airplanes.
Airports are scary to me because there is so much going on. It’s sensory overload. There are people everywhere who are in a hurry. Everyone is talking, walking fast, and there are announcements on the intercom. The airport is big and bustling. It can be hard to find your gate. The entire time, there is a feeling of anxiety and anticipation, because everyone is going somewhere.
I tend to shut down in the airport. But I’m going to need to be functional in the airport especially when we get to France, because my husband doesn’t speak French.
So I decided to do some exposure therapy in preparation. If you don’t know what exposure therapy is, check out my post about it. (You should be careful about doing DIY exposure therapy. I have a lot of experience, have talked to several therapists, and know what I’m doing.)
I found an hour of “Airport Ambience” on YouTube. You really can find anything on the Internet. I sat down in my armchair with my cat, put on my headphones, and pressed play. I knew I was going to feel some very unpleasant emotions, so you kind of have to brace yourself. It’s like having a bucket of ice water thrown over you.
Here is what happened minute by minute, so you can see what a real exposure therapy is like.
1 minute: My heart rate immediately shot up, my bottom lip started trembling, and I got tears in my eyes.
My heart is racing. My chest is tingling. I’m trying to focus on the cat on my lap.
I have no sense of time. I’m trying to take deep breaths and wait for the tight feeling in my chest to dissipate.
The cat seems concerned.
A few minutes in, I notice the intercom announcements seem to give me the most anxiety.
7 minutes: I feel like I just got sucked into a whirlpool of anxiety and it was a time warp. I just checked the time stamp and it’s been longer than I thought. I wonder how long I should stick this out.
9 minutes: I got an excited rush in my stomach instead of just anxiety. These airport sounds are scary, but they also mean I’m going to France!
12 minutes: Wow, a lot of time has gone by. I feel like I’m not completely in my body right now. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this exercise.
14 minutes: Reading the comments and realizing that people can find airports to be a pleasant, relaxing place. That’s pretty cool.
15 minutes: I come back into my body enough to start accomplishing some tasks on the computer. I start writing this summary, because until now I was not capable of articulating myself.
20 minutes: I’m starting to enjoy the sound of people talking and walking on the tile floors. The planes landing and taking off is a little scary. The announcements make my heart leap into my throat.
24 minutes: The video just announced a flight to my home city! That’s fun.
30 minutes: Omg, I am SO. TIRED. Adrenaline is exhausting. I feel pretty desensitized except for when I hear the announcements or flights taking off/landing. I think I’m going to keep listening for the whole hour.
35 minutes: My legs fall asleep. I have to shoo the cat off my lap. She lays down on the chair arm right next to me. I write an email in French to verify travel plans with an AirBnB owner.
40 minutes: I start to research crochet water bottle holders that I can make for the trip.
45 minutes: I realize I’m hungry. I was too anxious until now to feel hungry. I’ll have a snack after I finish the video.
55 minutes: I accomplish some more tasks (buying Dramamine on Amazon). My tummy is a little unsettled, but that’s not unusual.
1 hour: At this point, I’m just feeling grumpy from so much sensory input. The silence feels like velvet to my ears. I am so relieved to be done.
Takeaway: It was not fun, but I think it helped because I just felt tired/grumpy at the end instead of freaking out. I’m going to do this at least a few more times before our trip. I know from experience that it really helps and can actually be life-changing.