X is for Xanax (and other medications)
I take a whole lot of pills. Whether it’s treating my anxiety, OCD, or various stomach issues, it feels like I’m always taking something. I used to be afraid of mental health medication, and I think a huge part of that is how society portrays it. Medication is supposed to be this Bad Thing when it comes to your mind. But my OCD medication made my life livable again. (I don’t take Xanax, it just fit for the letter X, haha.)
We don’t hesitate to take medication when our body is acting up. (Unless you’re an anti-vaxxer, I suppose, but that’s another story.) Well, mental illness is the same way. It’s a physical problem with the brain. For me, my brain makes enough serotonin, but it doesn’t do a good job receiving it, so that’s what my meds do for me. My meds make me MORE me, not LESS me. I hate the idea that taking meds will “dull your creativity” or turn you into a “zombie.” You know what dulls my creativity? UNTREATED MENTAL ILLNESS.
The journey to getting a diagnosis and prescription is a long one and can be very expensive. I am privileged to be able to access this sort of care. The worst part is that when you’re deep in mental illness, you don’t have the emotional strength to fight the medical bureaucracy. I’m lucky that my parents did it for me.
I take pills four times a day to regulate my various issues. I have alarms on my phone that go off at 9AM, 2PM, 6PM, and 10PM to remind me to take the necessary medication. If I forget, my body will usually remind me a couple hours later by either having a panic attack or excruciating stomach pain, whereupon I go “Oh shoot I forgot my meds again.” It’s just a part of my life now. It’s probably around $50 a month with insurance. Without insurance, I would be screwed (just my OCD meds alone would cost $200). Still, it’s not like I want to be spending $600 a year on medication. I would much rather be buying alpacas. 🙂 But it is what it is, and if my medication cabinet looks like a pharmacy, then that’s okay. I’ll keep plugging along.