Hello lovely followers. I recently discovered a weekly writing challenge that I wanted to try out. I enjoy writing prompts because they help me branch out from stuff I typically write. This website, Yeah Write, does a weekly challenge that I might participate in occasionally from now on. They post the prompt on Saturday, entries are due Wednesday, and people vote on their favorites.
This week’s prompt was to write something based on this picture that evokes the emotion schadenfreude (which I had to look up). But you can be the judge on whether or not I succeeded 😛
The Listener
I’m about fifteen minutes from the California state border when I see it: a black pickup truck sitting on the side of the highway, two girls sitting in the back. They’re young, probably college-age, and from the way they’re sprawled in the back of the truck they’ve been there for quite awhile.
I’m in the far left lane so it takes me a minute to merge over to them. California drivers are evil and I’m not even in the state yet.
Pulling up behind them, I shut off the engine to my Chrysler and go to see what’s up. One of the girls has jumped down from the truck as I approach. “Thank you for stopping!” she exclaims as I get within earshot. She has obviously judged me to not be a serial killer.
“What seems to be the trouble here?” I ask, adopting my best friendly-Samaritan voice.
“We ran out of gas,” says the girl.
“Someone forgot to fill up the gas tank,” hollers the other, not bothering to get out of the back. Her white Converse are propped up on the side of the truck bed, and her tan legs are showing signs of sunburn.
“Fine! So I forgot!” The girl in front of me is looking pretty sunburnt, too, pale as china with the kind of naturally red hair you don’t see often. “And then my phone died, and we can’t call anybody, and nobody has been stopping.”
I shake my head. “People these days. Nobody has been stopping?”
“Nobody!” she wails. From the sound of her voice, she must have been out here quite a while, so I ask how long. Turns out they’ve been sitting in the truck bed for an hour after it got too hot in the cab.
“How awful,” I say. “Where are you two headed?”
The redhead opens her mouth to answer, but seems to think better of it. She turns to the girl with the Converse. “Morgan, your turn to ask.”
They want to use my phone to call somebody. Unfortunately for them, I say, I don’t own a cell phone. This earns me a puzzled glance, because what thirty-year-old woman in 2019 doesn’t own a cell phone?
“I’m afraid all I can offer is my sympathy,” I say with a shake of my head. “Unless you’d like a ride to the nearest gas station?”
They exchange a hesitant glance, coming to a decision quickly. They don’t want to get in the car with a stranger. Fair enough. I’ve watched enough documentaries about serial killers to give me second thoughts about talking to strangers, but sometimes their stories are just too good to resist. Like these girls here. “I wish I could help,” I say, “I really do.”
“Of course this happens on our graduation road trip,” says Converse girl, throwing her hands in the air. “Finally done with high school, and what happens? Car breaks down.”
“Runs out of gas,” corrects the other girl.
“Because of some knucklehead…”
They dissolve into arguing. I lean against the side of their truck and observe. When you’ve watched people for as long as I have, you learn the types. These girls have been friends for years, probably grew up in the same neighborhood, went to the same schools. But the pressures of high school get to a person. Maybe they’re fighting over the same boy, maybe one is more popular than the other…the details vary, but the plot is always the same. And now a single road trip is the puff of wind that will dissolve their friendship.
I wish them luck and get back into my car. I’ve seen enough. They’re still arguing animatedly as I merge back onto the highway.
As I pull away, my cell phone rings. I glance at the caller ID, ignoring the stupid rule about not looking at your phone while you’re driving (I’ve been doing it for fifteen years and haven’t crashed yet). A smile spreads across my face when I see who it is. Swiping my finger across the screen, I answer the phone with, “Hello, Beatriz speaking.”
Quiet sobs greet me on the other end. “Beatriz, can you talk for a minute?”
“Absolutely,” I say, settling back in my seat for what’s sure to be a long, drawn-out tale. I lied, though, about talking. You see, listening is what I do best.
(729 words)
That was a fun change of pace. Your feedback is always welcome and I’m always open to constructive criticism. Hope you have a lovely day, and be sure to check out the other entries for this week!
These characters are really strong. It’s really interesting that Beatriz lied to the girls. The argument the girls were having didn’t seem friendship-ending; maybe raise the tension between them in the scene? The ending left me with questions. Why did Beatriz lie to them? Did she decide in their brief exchange that she didn’t like them? Did they remind her of a moment in her past? Shouldn’t she have a moment of gloating or “sucks to be them” to constitute schadenfreude? Who is the sobbing person on the other end of the phone? Why is it significant that Beatriz listens instead of talks?
Thanks so much for the thoughtful questions, James! That helped me narrow down the character motivation. I get the idea that Beatriz likes listening to other people’s woes, but not their happiness, to make herself feel better about her life. Maybe I’ll use these characters again next week. Thank you so much for commenting and for the feedback!
I thought that was interesting too, that she lied about not having a cellphone. I also like the implied comparison of the young girls’ friendship with her Beatriz’ own relationship with her caller. Had she had a similar adventure with her friend who was now calling? Was there a clue there about why she lied about the cellphone but at the same time credits herself to be a good listener? A thought-provoking.tale. 🙂
Ooh I like the idea that Beatriz had a similar adventure with the friend on the phone. That’s something I hadn’t considered and am now quite intrigued by for possible continuation of the story. Thank you very much for the thoughtful feedback and for taking the time to read!
Great characters. I didn’t have any problem understanding Beatriz motivations. While her phone ringing took me by surprise because there didn’t seem to be any foreshadowing that she was lying, your last line dropped everything into place for me. I also liked her thought about ignoring the hands-free laws. It gave us a little insight to her character.
Even though I understood B’s motivations in the end, I think you could make a stronger tie to the schadenfreude prompt by giving the reader a glimpse of what she was feeling as she watched the girls argue. You could also, in a longer piece add in who the caller is at the end, but honestly it didn’t bother me in the moment as it was B’s reaction that was more important. Nice work!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave a comment, I really appreciate it. I’d definitely like to continue the story and write about B’s conversation with the caller; that pesky word count snuck up on me. 🙂 Thank you very much for the kind words and suggestions!
I totally get that Beatriz some how prefers to enjoy others misery, listening their sad tales. And she sure is a good judge of undercurrents in the girls friendship. Interesting take on the prompt using both the picture and the emotion.
Thank you very much for your comment, Pratibha! It was a fun challenge trying to include both the picture and the emotion.
Hello! I think it’s interesting that Beatriz chose to pull over in the first place! I didn’t get a clear sense of schadenfreude because in a way she kind of had a hand in their misfortune (i.e., not sharing her cell phone), though I can see how the theme emotion comes across in specifically choosing to pull over just to look down on them and their situation. I’d like to learn more about Beatriz to understand her compulsion (she saw the girls then crossed freeway traffic to get to them, so she seems really determined to stop by even though she knows she can’t help; and just passing them by would have left them as helpless). Maybe adding more of how Beatriz really relishes the girls’ info-sharing (and the reasons behind it)? Thanks for sharing!
Kim, thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to leave feedback! You’re right that Beatriz did kind of contribute to the girls’ misfortune. I didn’t think of that. I imagined she was just SO intent on hearing their sob story that she just had to cross all those lanes of traffic. I think of her character as wanting to hear all the miserable details…but I like your suggestion of exploring the reasons behind it. Thanks so much for leaving a comment!
I really loved the rat-a-tat of the dialogue. There were several characters but it was never confusing and I rather was getting some feelings of schadenfreude in “listening” to the argument. I loved that I was surprised when her cell phone rang! Maybe a wee bit more of internal emotion to show that she was enjoying the argument more than what is usual. I thought the phone call worked really well, though, you might consider having her ignore a call or text from a “happy friend” first, before settling into the sob story call. The descriptions really worked with the picture prompt, the sunburn was a nice touch.