Let’s Talk About Scrupulosity

I posted a picture of a rosary a few days ago and got a positive response. I have been thinking a lot about my faith and religion over the past few years,, particularly the last couple of months. So today I thought we could chat about something a little different… Let’s talk about scrupulosity! This will be the first post in a series about religious OCD.

Here is some brief background information about your humble blogger: I was raised Lutheran, converted to Catholicism at 15, got diagnosed with OCD at 18, and stopped going to church around 22. I stopped attending church because I have a specific kind of OCD called scrupulosity that centers around religion. Essentially, I always felt like I was a bad person and way too sinful to attend church. OCD attacks the things that are most important to you, and my faith has always been a huge part of my life and part of what makes me who I am. But it was just too much anxiety.

It took years of OCD treatment (a combination of ERP therapy and medication) to reach a level of normal functioning and be okay again. However, church always remained the toughest, and my time in a conservative Christian organization in college added to what I now know is called religious trauma. Only now, several years later, am I able to begin revisiting it and writing about it. (The picture at the top of this post is 20-year-old Claire with a cardboard cutout of Pope Francis, taken at this student organization.)

About two months ago, I began attending Catholic Mass again, and it felt like getting a piece of myself back. The Catholic Church and I definitely disagree on some pretty big things. (I mean, I’m a bisexual woman who takes birth control because she does NOT want to have kids.) However, I just really love my church community. The parish I go to is super liberal and accepting – they have a rainbow flag displayed in their parking lot! They have never shown me anything but kindness. They take to heart the most important commandment that Jesus gave, which is to love God and to love your neighbor. That’s what I try to live by.

In my next post, I will talk about why I like Catholic Mass so much. In the meantime, here are some resources that I have found helpful as I examine what I believe and why. I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts.

• David Hayward/Naked Pastor: https://nakedpastor.com
• God is Grey: https://www.godisgrey.com
• The Reformation Project: https://reformationproject.org 
• God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines
• Unruly Catholic Women Writers: Creative Responses to Catholicism by Jeana DelRosso et al.
• The Bible’s Yes to Same-Sex Marriage: An Evangelical’s Change of Heart by Mark Achtemeier