V is for Violent Intrusive Thoughts
I don’t like providing trigger warnings when I talk about OCD, because it promotes the idea that OCD is something that should be covered up – something shameful, wrong, problematic. Also, the way to treat OCD is by exposing yourself to the things that scare you, not by avoiding them. Still, I want to advise you to do what’s right for you while reading this post. I will be talking about violent imagery.
We all get icky thoughts sometimes. That’s just part of being human. Sometimes I imagine my brain up there rolling dice. One dice is for the action; the second dice is for the person.
The first dice might include the following:
Stab a knife into
Scream offensive words at
Push off cliff
Drown
Torture
Any other creative acts you might think of
The second dice might include:
Your parents
Your sibling
Best friend
Random person on the street
Religious figure
Significant other
Pets
God
The barista you saw back in 2018
Fictional character
Basically any person ever
Your brain is up there playing Yahtzee and you’re the poor soul who has to deal with the result.
I’ll scream this all day: Your thoughts are just thoughts. EVERYBODY has weird thoughts. We just don’t talk about it for the same reason we don’t talk about that weird dream you once had about that one classmate from high school – it’s just more comfy if we don’t. Most brains are able to filter out these thoughts as “ew, weird, go away.” But some of us special people get fixated on it.
But a thought is just a thought.
It doesn’t mean anything unless you assign it meaning. Having a thought does not make you a bad person any more than watching a violent movie makes you a violent person. Brains are weird things, and they like to come up with some creative stuff.
A thought is a thought. Nothing more, nothing less.